Being in a relationship can be scary. You might not be entirely sure about what your partner’s plans are or how much loyalty they have, especially if you haven’t been together for a long period of time. You may be worried that, while you’re in it for the long run, your partner isn’t – or hasn’t even decided yet. Lots of people resort to unsavory “tests” of loyalty to find out the truth. But playing mind games and executing trick scenarios or situations is the opposite of what you should be doing. Those types of tricks are unhealthy and will only create more reasons to lose someone’s loyalty.
So, what should you do instead? Having honest, open conversations with your partner is the best way to go. But it can be difficult to figure out where to start, and how to go about it. To help you out, here are some questions to ask your partner to test their loyalty.
Questions To See If Your Partner Is Loyal
1. What’s Your Definition Of Loyalty? – Most people automatically assume that everyone thinks of loyalty the same way. The truth is, people have different ideas of what loyalty really, truly is. For some people, it’s a very strict thing, and for others, it involves very little. Whichever side you fall on, or wherever you stand in between, you shouldn’t fall into the trap of assuming your partner feels the same way. It’s important for those in a relationship to be on the same page. Discuss what loyalty means to each of you, what you both define as cheating, and essentially what commitment is defined as by you and your partner. Knowing how your partner defines loyalty helps to prevent arguments in the future, as you both know what you’re getting into. It’s also a great way to ensure that your partner is someone who values and appreciates loyalty.
2. What Are Your Current Priorities? – This question is best asked outside the context of your relationship, so bring it up in casual conversation – not when you’re already discussing your relationship. This is because you may not get the most accurate answer when you’re already talking about your romance and emotions are focused on that. Pay close attention to whether your partner talks about long-term, committed relationships as part of their priorities. If not, they may not be ready to commit to a serious partnership. It’s also a good way to make sure you’re both at the same point in your life. If you’re focused on work and they are, too, it all works out. But, if you or they are ready to settle down and put the other person first, yet this is unrequited, it’s time to take a step back.
3. What Are Your Thoughts On Long-Term Versus Short-Term Relationships? – Not everyone is a believer in “happily ever after.” For some, it’s all about dating the right person for them at the right time, and moving on when that time is over. Some people also just can’t be happy in one relationship for long periods of time. That’s perfectly okay, as long as you both know about it! Frame the question casually, not aggressively, and ask in a hypothetical way. Does your partner prefer long-term relationships, or would they rather keep their options and open and move on with the seasons? Are they serial monogamists, or do they refuse to be tied down? This will also give you some insight into your significant other’s ideas on loyalty and commitment, and it can prepare you for what lies ahead. Plus, you’ll know whether they’re likely to stick around in times of trouble, which links us to our next point.
4. How Can We Deal With An Upcoming Challenge? – All relationships go through rough patches, and you need to be ready to handle them with your partner. If you foresee a challenge up ahead, have a serious discussion with your partner about how you are going to handle it. Don’t have any imminent challenges? Pose a hypothetical one that is likely to occur in a long-term relationship. Partners have to be willing to have discussions about these incidents. If they don’t want to talk about it, it’s not a good sign for longevity – or their commitment levels. In difficult times, couples have to be able to acknowledge issues, discuss problems, keep positive thinking going, and listen to their significant other. So if they’re not willing to do that now, they likely have one foot already out the door.
5. What Do You Think Is The Most Important Aspect Of A Long-Term Relationship? – Committed partners know exactly what they want in a long-term relationship, or at least, they know what matters in them. If your significant other has absolutely no idea what they believe to be important in long-term partnerships, it’s likely because they aren’t considering one. Sometimes, a partner may not have thought about that yet. If this is the case, be prepared for them to be less committed – especially if they never seem to get around to doing any positive thinking about it.
6. Do You Think One Of Us Is More Invested In Our Relationship? – In an ideal relationship, both partners are equally invested in each other. It can, however, take a while to reach that point for new couples. So, ask your partner who they think is more invested, and the answer will tell you a lot. Do they think you’re more invested? Ask if that’s something they plan to change. Do they think they’re more invested, or that you’re both equal in that area? See if what they do actually match up with what they say. If you find yourself canceling your own plans, working around their schedule, and putting in the extra effort while they can’t do the same for you, they’re not as invested as you are. This isn’t always a bad thing if you’ve just started dating, but if things don’t even out, it’s going to be painful down the line.
7. Where Do You See Yourself In Five Years? – Okay, so this question is straight out of a job interview, but it’s an important one. What does your partner think they’ll be doing five years from now? Still dating you? Chasing a big dream around the world where you can’t follow? Anywhere involving you? Anywhere without you? It’s simple. If your partner sees you in their life in five years, they’re in it for the long run. If you don’t factor into their otherwise decently conceived future plans, it’s because they don’t plan to have you there.
Relationships are hard. That’s why communication is so crucial and important for a happy, healthy one. If you’re not making sure that you and your partner are on the same page with loyalty and commitment, you could be setting yourself up for failure. These 7 questions to test your partners loyalty are great because they start up a discussion and urge the beginning of an in-depth conversation. You’ll come out after each one knowing a little bit more about your significant other and feeling like you can trust them more than ever before – and isn’t that the whole point?