In many ways, dating is a numbers game. The more people we reach out to, the more likely it is that we’ll find someone who will marry us. The more people we try to hedge our bets with, the more likely it is that we will be in a relationship sooner rather than later. Whether we would like to admit it or not, most of us have had a person who we considered a second choice when we were out dating people. In most cases, we’ve also been the backup plan at one time or another as well. We really can’t judge people for settling when they can’t be with the one they love. After all, chances are high that you’d do the same. The problem is that nobody wants to be someone’s second choice or backup plan when they’re trying to have a truly serious relationship. Not sure where you currently stand with the guy you’re into? If you’re noticing these things, you’re his silver medal rather than his gold standard.
Signs You’re His Backup Plan
1. No One Knows About You – When a person is in love, they naturally shout it from the rooftops. It’s such an exciting experience to be loved and love someone in return. If you don’t feel that sense of pride, this is not good. If you haven’t met anyone in his family, you’re not that important to him. To make matters worse, a guy will usually introduce his new girlfriend to his friends. If you haven’t met his friends, he’s not serious about you. Many people keep their relationships off of social media until it’s definitely official. If you don’t even get a mention on any of his social media pages, it could be that he’s also entertaining other women and you’re just one of many.
2. He Has A Habit Of Disappearing – Everyone is glued to their phone at some point in the day. Whether they’re scrolling through social media posts, checking email or making phone calls, people get a hold of their phone at some point. This means they’ve seen your text messages. This also means they’ve seen your phone calls and voicemail messages. If he doesn’t get back to you or pick up the phone when you call, it means he isn’t trying to be in touch with you unless it’s beneficial for him. Trust me, you don’t want to experience a lack of communication when you’re in a romantic relationship. Relationships should be all about reciprocity and respect.
3. He Doesn’t Try To Make Plans With You – When two people are in love, they naturally want to spend time together. Even before two people fall in love, if they know there’s interest, they’re going to make time for each other. Even those with the busiest schedules figure out a way to carve out time for the things and people they care about most. If he doesn’t try to make plans with you, it means that you’re not a priority to him.
4. He Doesn’t Take Conversations Deeper – Many women naturally want details. If you find that you’re in a conversation with a guy and he doesn’t seem to open up, this might mean he’s shy. However, it could also mean that he doesn’t want to allow you in his world as well. When somebody shares personal details about their life, they’re allowing you to experience a certain level of intimacy. These details are ones that most other people don’t know. These details are partly why he is the way he is. In order for a relationship to really thrive, there’s a level of emotional intimacy that must take place. If he’s not letting you into his world, take that as a sign that you’re not welcome.
5. Holidays Aren’t Special For You Two – If he doesn’t spend Valentine’s Day or any other holiday with you, he’s not someone to take seriously. If he doesn’t even know when your birthday is, he’s showing you that important dates in your life don’t matter to him. A guy who is really into you will remember important dates early on (such as your birthday or anniversary) and even more important dates later in the relationship (such as your wedding day or child’s birthday).
6. He Keeps His Feelings Ambiguous – Remember the days when little girls used to pick up flowers, pluck the pedals and play the “he loves me, he loves me not” game? They did this because they were too afraid to ask a guy if he was interested. At the same time, they couldn’t tell because his actions were ambiguous. As an adult, this is not a fun game to play. A guy should make his feelings clear to you by his actions and his words. If he keeps his feelings ambiguous, he’s stringing you along and it’s best to move on.
7. His Phone Is More Interesting – If it seems like he spends too much time scrolling through his phone while in your presence, he’s bored. Most people use their phones as a diversion from other things they need to do. Distractions are okay at times. However, a guy shouldn’t need a distraction from a woman he’s really interested in. Take this as a hint that he is not interested in you and his phone is actually more important.
8. There’s No Effort – When a guy is really into you, he’ll make an effort to woo you. He understands that you could date other guys if you wanted to. Knowing this, he’s going to do all in his power to prove that he’s the right guy for you to choose. If he’s not making this type of effort, this means that he doesn’t care because he’s not committed to getting to know you deeply.
9. He’s Unreasonably Private – When a guy is really interested in you, he actually wants to share his world with you. He’ll want you to see where he lives, learn more about his job and learn more about his journey in life. If he doesn’t invite you to his home, invite you into his life or even tell anybody that you exist, these are red flags. Consider these red flags as official signs that you need to run. If you’re his backup plan, there’s no need for you to become intimate with the details of his life because you’re not there to stay.