Occasionally wondering whether you should stay together or break up is just part of being in a relationship for most people. Every couple, regardless of how they might look on the outside, goes through rough patches. Even if you deeply love your partner, it’s not unusual to occasionally wonder if the relationship is still a good fit. Understanding the difference between the normal ups and downs of a healthy relationship and signs that a relationship has run its course and is not worth saving can be difficult. However, there are some very clear things you can watch out for. Listed below are 8 signs that it might be better for you to just break up with your partner rather than trying to salvage the relationship.
Signs You Should Break Up With Your Partner
1. You Keep Taking A Break – If you’re constantly breaking up, then getting back together again, it might be a good time to reassess your relationship. Perhaps each time you think that things will get better, but then the same old issues appear over and over again. Maybe you’ve messed up in the relationship, or they’ve done something wrong. Whatever it is, if you’re reliving the same fights and arguments, it could be a sign that there are some issues which you might never be able to overcome. There’s obviously a significant reason the two of you are taking these breaks, and perhaps it simply isn’t solvable. There’s a certain time when you need to ask yourself if anything has seriously changed, and if they haven’t, then it might be time to break it off for good.
2. You’re No Longer Essential To Each Other – Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you need to live in each other’s pockets or have an unhealthy attachment to each other. However, being essential to each other is a sign of a healthy relationship. This is especially true for men. Feeling essential to a woman is often what separates like from love. No doubt your man loves your strength and abilities to be independent. But, he still wants to feel wanted and useful – not dispensable! This is because men have a built-in desire for something greater that goes beyond just love. It’s exactly why men who seemingly have the “perfect girlfriend” are still unhappy and find themselves searching for something else. Simply put, men have a biological drive to feel needed, to feel important, and to provide for the woman he cares about. Relationship psychologist James Bauer calls it the hero instinct. He created an excellent free video where he explains what it is. As James argues, male desires are not complicated, just misunderstood. Instincts are powerful drivers of human behavior and this is especially true for how men approach their relationships. So, when the hero instinct isn’t triggered, men are unlikely to be satisfied in a relationship. He holds back because being in a relationship is a serious investment for him. And he won’t fully “invest” in you unless you give him a sense of meaning and purpose and make him feel essential. How do you trigger this instinct in him? How do you give him a sense of meaning and purpose? You don’t need to pretend to be anyone you’re not or play the “damsel in distress.” You don’t have to dilute your strength or independence in any way, shape or form. In an authentic way, you simply have to show your man what you need and allow him to step up to fulfill it.
3. You’re Hiding Them From Your Loved Ones – Introducing your family and friends to your partner is not something you should take lightly. It’s a big step. For most people, it’s equally important to win over their partner’s family as it is their own. Every relationship is unique, so there is obviously no right or wrong time to make it happen. But if you’ve been together for a long period of time, and you still haven’t introduced them to your inner circle, or vice versa, then something is up. Gaining access to your partner’s inner circle is a mark of their commitment. If you feel like you just can’t introduce them to your family or friends, then it’s important for you to take a step back and explore why that is. On the other hand, if you have introduced them to your family and they’re not making an effort to get to know them, then that could be a sign that they’re not invested in the relationship themselves.
4. The Relationship Is Moving Faster Than You Want – Decided to move in together but you know you don’t really want to? Meeting the family, but you never really wanted to go in the first place? These could be signs that it’s best for you to just break up with your partner. Maybe it’s convenient for you now, but if you’re not ready to take the necessary steps forward, then you need to figure out what’s holding you back. Most relationships grow as time goes on, whether that means living together, getting married, or having a family. If you’re denying your partner those things, the longer the relationship lasts, the more they’ll get hurt and frustrated. Maybe both of you don’t want marriage or a family. That’s fine, but it’s important you’re both clear and honest with each other about it. If you’re in a serious relationship, there are some important conversations that you need to be having, and if you’re not having those conversations, then it’s likely that things are either moving too fast or there isn’t much of a future. Take a step back and ask yourself if you want this relationship to ever move forward. It’s okay to move slowly, but it does need to move forward in some way.
5. They’ve Cheated On You – Before we enter a relationship, most people say if their partner ever cheated, they would walk away without any thought. But, we all know that this is much easier said than done. After all, in a long term relationship, you’ve built a strong emotional connection and anything that intense is difficult to just get up and walk away from. At the same time, Many people do walk away when their partner cheats on them – and most would say that it was the correct decision. With that in mind, if you’re wondering if you should break up with your partner because they cheated, here are a four questions to ask yourself:
1) Do they care that they’ve hurt you? Do you they even understand they’ve hurt you? And do they truly regret what they did?
2) Do you know the full extent of their cheating? Have they actually been honest with you about it?
3) Will you be able to move on? Or will the fact they’ve cheated always be in the back of our mind? Will you be able to trust them again?
4) Is it worth saving the relationship? Or is it better to move on?
Answer these questions truthfully, and you’ll begin figuring out if the relationship is worth saving.
6. There’s No Trust – You can’t trust anything they do or say. If they say they’re going out with their friends, you can’t be sure of what they’re really doing. For all you know, they could be having a secret relationship on the side. Any relationship expert will tell you, without trust, a relationship can’t grow. Your mind won’t stop wandering in all directions about what your partner might be doing behind your back. Rob Pascale, Ph.D. says in Psychology Today that trust is one of the most important facets of a successful relationship.
7. Your Friends And Family Don’t Like Them – If you like your partner and no one else does, then maybe it’s time for you to take a step back and consider why that is. Outside perspectives can give you a lot of insight when you’re too close to the situation. There’s generally a good reason why your loved ones don’t like the person you’re dating. After all, their main intentions are to look out for you, and you might be blinded by love. So, if your friends and family are warning you about your relationship, then that’s a big red flag. Take a step back and objectively assess why that’s the case. You might determine the person you’re with just isn’t the right one for you.
8. Your Lives Are Going In Two Different Directions – The beginning of a relationship is always the best. It’s fun, exciting and new. The future doesn’t matter so much, because it’s all about the now and the happiness you’re finding in it. But when the honeymoon stage wears off and your relationship moves to the next level, you begin to think about the future. Maybe one person wants kids, but the partner never will. One partner might be focused on their career and earning money, whereas the other partner simply wants to work 9-5 on weekdays and then forget about work. There are many life directions that people journey through, and it could be that you and your partner are simply on a different path that won’t work well together. If this is the case, it could be best to end the relationship and go your separate ways.