One of the hardest decisions we will make in life is whether or not we think our partner is marriage material. Sometimes you need more than just love to make a marriage last forever. Whether it’s because of shyness, lack of interest or something else, many couples don’t ask their partner these difficult questions before tying the knot. That’s unfortunate because these simple questions can help build the foundation for a happy and stable marriage.
It’s not just wanting someone you can raise children and build a secure life with, those considering marriage should also want their partner to be confident and a best friend. There are plenty of questions to ask early on in the relationship, and we’ll cover those in another article. For now, focus on asking the following questions which are designed to spark honest discussions and possibly give couples a chance to spill secrets before it’s too late.
1. How is your relationship with your family? – If your partner has a bad relationship with their family then it may indicate some issues with their character. This is important to know as it’s something that could emerge later on in your marriage. On the other hand, if your partner is very close with his or her family then it could mean they won’t always put the marriage first, and their family could be the main priority. Maintaining a middle ground is best.
2. How much would you spend on a house, car and shoes? – Couples need to make sure they’re on the same page when it comes to financial caution or recklessness. Buying a new car can be a wonderful indicator of this. Couples can also frame this question around what they spend reckless amounts of money on as well.
3. Is my debt your debt? Would you bail me out? – You need to make sure and understand how your partner feels about financial self-sufficiency and whether he or she expects you to keep your resources separate. Disclosing the debts you have is very important for a successful marriage. The same is true if there is a serious discrepancy between the income you and your partner earn. Try creating a basic budget according to proportional incomes.
4. How important is religion? – If the two of you each come from different religious backgrounds, is each going to pursue his or her own religious beliefs? This can be extremely important to discuss because couples are especially likely to experience conflict over religious traditions when children become involved. If the couple decides to have children, they must discuss how the child’s religious education will be handled.
5. Will we have children? – When it comes to children, it’s important that you don’t just say what your partner wants to hear. Before ever getting married, couples should honestly discuss whether or not they are going to want children. If so, how many does each want to have? At what point in life do they want to have them? How do they imagine their roles as parents? It’s also good to discuss birth control methods before planning a pregnancy.
6. What do you admire about me, and what are your pet peeves? – Could you ever imagine the challenges outweighing the admiration? If so, what exactly would you do? Believe it or not, couples rarely consider the second question. Two people should get married with the expectation it’s going to last forever. It’s not enough to just “click together” when talking about forever. Marriages must go much deeper than that original “click.”
7. How do you see us 10 years from now? – Knowing the answer to this question can help a couple deal with current conflict as they work towards their ultimate relationship goals. This question can also be an opportunity to raise the question of whether each partner would ever consider divorce if the relationship deteriorates, or whether they expect marriage to be for life, come what may.
8. Can you keep the romance alive? – Couples expect to remain sexually excited by their spouse. A healthy relationship should include discussion of what partners enjoy about making love, as well as how often they expect to do it. If people are looking to experience different things then some negotiation may be required to ensure both parties remain satisfied.
If you’ve been dating for a while and have given some thought to marriage then be sure to discuss these eight questions with your boyfriend or girlfriend. Some might seem a little awkward to talk about, but knowing the answers to each will help lay the foundation you need for a long and healthy marriage.