Relationships are beautiful, troubling, emotional, and downright complicated. Every is relationship is completely different and unique in its own way. Many married couples will also tell you that marriage is tough. So, why is something that’s suppose to be so good so hard? Because it takes work and dedication. Getting married is a very exciting time. During the wedding planning process, though, important topics and conversations can be neglected. Instead of wondering how you will handle finances as husband and wife, you’re worried about what kind of centerpieces you will have at your wedding. While those decisions are important and do matter, there’s a long future to consider after the wedding is over.
Before you start the wedding planning process, take a step back. Make sure you know the person you are going to marry, and make sure you know exactly what it is you are wanting out of marriage as well. Are your values and desires in alignment? Consider getting as much marriage advice as you can now, so you can enjoy your marriage even more once you get there. Listed below are eight things you should consider before getting married.
Things To Consider Before Getting Married
1. Get Financially Stable – Get an education or trade and pursue a career that both interests and challenges you. Know how to handle your finances, earn money on your own and only accumulate as much debt as you can realistically handle. Don’t expect parents or partners to bail you out of financial trouble. Taking care of yourself financially means you’ll be in a better position to handle life’s monetary curve balls. If your partner falls ill, your husband loses his job or the marriage ends in a divorce, you need to be able to financially stand on your own two feet. Far too many men and women find themselves stuck in bad marriages simply because they don’t have a valid way to support themselves or their children should they decide to leave.
2. Live Outside Of Your Comfort Zone – You’ve probably heard it before, most of the best moments in life happen outside of your comfort zone. Be brave. Be adventurous. Move to that amazing city or country you’ve always dreamed about. If you’re not interested in moving, try new bars, restaurants and cultural events. Get out of your bubble of constantly spending time with the same people, doing the same old things. Seek out activities that expand and challenge you. Visit different museums or art galleries either in your local area or on the other side of the globe. See yourself and the world through fresh eyes and interests. Free yourself from the burden of other people’s stereotypes and assumptions. Do as much as possible before you have children because once children come along, it all changes.
3. Figure Out Who You Are – It’s important to have your own identity before getting married. All too often we neglect our own personal development and growth, only to merge with a partner and take on their values and interests without being clear on what makes us happy. Spend some quality time alone and learn how to enjoy your own company. Take solo trips away and live alone for a few years. Keep a journal and document what brings you joy and strength. Give yourself the love that you need first, then if you find a person who enhances your life and loves the real you – all the better.
4. Learn Patience And Forgiveness – Nobody is perfect. Arguments, fights and disagreements can be common among couples. If you communicate effectively with your partner, you will be able to see things from your partner’s perspective. Patience and forgiveness will always remain the essential elements of a marriage. You need to consider if you and your partner have these two virtues for each other, as well as for your own selves. One needs to be patient and forgiving even with their own self to sustain a lasting relationship with their spouse.
5. Be Sure You Are Considering Marriage For The Right Reasons – Are you only getting married because your friends are all walking down the aisle and you’re afraid of being left out? Panicking because of your age? Worried that you are running out of time to have kids? Are you feeling pressured by family, friends or even your partner? Be careful, getting married for all of the WRONG reasons could mean marrying the WRONG person.
6. Travel And Be Adventurous – Get out and see the country with your friends. Plan overseas adventures and weekends away with girlfriends. If friends aren’t available, take a trip on your own and see how many wonderful new people you can meet. Try new things; Scuba diving, skydiving, eating exotic foods or something else you’ve always thought about doing. You can travel once you’re married, but I promise it’s not the same.
7. Establish Whether You And Your Partner Share Similar Goals For The Future – Before getting married, you should have an in-depth discussion about having children. You need to be on the same page as to whether you both want children (don’t just assume someone wants to be a parent), when you plan to have children and what would happen if you were unable to have a child. Also, develop an understanding of where each of you want to live, what you plant to do and how you see your life together down the road. Painting a clear picture now will help to avoid any surprises later.
8. Discuss Breach Of Trust – Will you be monogamous and committed only to each other, or are you OK with a more open marriage? This will depend on your individual relationship and what your personal boundaries and values are. What would betrayal mean to you? For some people, unacceptable behavior can mean flirting, sending texts or having an emotional affair. For others, the only deal-breaker may be sleeping with someone else. Talk about this with your partner before you get married.
Marriage isn’t easy because nothing worth having is ever easy.
It’s really as simple as this: marriage is suppose to be hard. However, if you take the time to work on your relationship, compromise, and keep these eight things in mind, it can be much less complicated. Marriage is so worth it if you’re with the right person, and you work together. As they say, “What comes easy won’t last, and what lasts won’t come easy.”